Confidence
by turtledonkey27
Summary: Iruka needs the confidence to tell Kakashi how he feels. Shounen-ai, KakaIru. He did it, now what? COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

Note: This is my first Naruto fanfic. Kakashi and Iruka, shounen-ai, which mean boy love, baby! If you don't like it, please don't read it, or at least, give it a chance with an open mind. I don't own the characters or the story, and I'm sure they're all terribly out of character and context, but--I love these two characters so much that I wanted to write something for them. I'm sure there are similarities to other fics, but please know if I did it wasn't intentional in the slightest. May be a two-parter or longer if you like it. Please don't flame me, I cry easily! just kidding. but really, if you don't like it, just pretend you never saw it, ok?

"n" speaking

'n' thoughts

/n/ inner Iruka

XXXXX section divider  
  
Dear Me,

No that's stupid.

To whom it May Concern,

That's worse.

scribblescribblescribble

Hey.

So, I've been thinking. To be honest, I've been doing nothing but thinking lately. I have to get this out of my head and onto paper before my hair falls out from the stress. At least I'm giving the appearance of working, even if I'm only writing a letter to myself. I'm going massively out of character by taking such a risk, heavens help me if one of these idiot Jounins get a hold of it. I'm actually shuddering at the thought. Yikes. Imagine explaining that one. Anyway, the subject of the day—Unrequited Love and How it Messes Up Your Life. Here's what I've come up with so far.

I've discovered that there's a world of difference between having a crush on a distant object and one that you interact with on a daily basis. The distant one can be easier if you can deal with the near-heart attack you have when they pop up unexpectedly. The lack of any concrete information or contact allows a certain freedom, a hazy interpretation of reality, if you will, that makes it possible. He can be anything you want, do anything you want, without any of that pesky reality horning in. Who cares if he's out of character? You don't even know his character in the first place! Rumor is enough, appearances are enough, heck--you don't even have to ever talk to him to make it work in your head!

Hmm, something about that sounds so wrong.

The downside, however, as if the upside wasn't bad enough, can be nasty. With the long-distance crush, you never know when he'll show up again. The longing to see him can drive you insane! It could be weeks, or even months, before his face reappears in your sights. You'd think you were finally over it, so proud of yourself for finally beating it, what the heck were you thinking, HIM?, the thrill had gone, baby, and

BAM!

--instant heart failure! The feelings overwhelm you with fresh intensity; your face sweating embarrassingly with anxious interest and possibilities while you try desperately to not look as if you're devouring him with your eyes and undressing him with all your mental powers. Sadly, most people don't actually possess the power of making people undress simply by using their big ol' brains. If only...

At least with the local crush you hopefully manage to avoid the sudden heart failure. A daily dose of love hormones outweighs that darn reality every time. Poor fool. Fantasizing becomes torturous, because the situation seems oh-so possible and frustratingly impossible at the same time. You know his character well enough that he fits right into the fantasy you've built in your heart, up to a point anyway. It kind of falls apart when you realize, yet again, that he'll never return your feelings no matter how carefully offered. Oh, the humanity!

Enough discussion of the pros and cons. All I know is that this friendship has become a painful two-way street. So close, yet so far away, my life is a pathetic cliché. Gaaah, how do I stand myself?

I could reach out to him, but what the hell would I do when he turned around? How do I face the man that has become my friend after all these years and under these circumstances, when everything I've presented to him has been false? He has no clue how hard it's been to mask the hope that flares to life every time he slings a careless arm around my shoulders, the awful awareness I feel burning over my entire body when he moves close to tell a joke, the joy I feel when he shares something that I know will only remain between the two of us. He can't possibly know the way I think of him when he leaves and I crawl into bed, alone again.

Why do I torture myself like this? Is Kakashi really all that I want in life?

Signed,

Me

XXXXXXXX

Iruka sighed and stared at the room blindly. His normally cheery face was gloomy and pensive as he rolled the thoughts around in his head. Probably hadn't been the brightest idea to write all this down at work, but he'd been feeling the anxiety and pressure building up inside him lately and just needed to release it somehow and right this minute. His problem had been tormenting him at all hours of the day and night, leaving him sleep-deprived and unsettled. Praying his foolishness wouldn't ever be discovered, he set about ripping the closely written sheet to shreds and settled the remains in his pocket to be disposed of at home. Couldn't be too careful, but setting the paper on fire in the middle of the assignment room would be a tad conspicuous. 'Gee,' they'd say, 'did you hear what Iruka did at work today? Just went crazy and tried to burn us all to death! Wonder what got into the dolphin to upset him so?' And so they'd go on and eventually a huge story would be making the rounds and then there'd be questions and oh, boy, don't want to go there! Nothing like overreacting to make things better. He held back a groan as he clambered to his feet, intent on finding enough caffeine to help him slog through the rest of his shift, preferably to be ingested by vein instead of by mug. Direct is best, right?

Iruka didn't notice the bright eye intensely marking his exit from the room.

'What was that all about?' Kakashi wondered.

XXXXXXXX

His closest friend had a problem and it was driving Kakashi nuts. They'd shared much over the years, told each other ridiculous personal things over sake, they'd laughed, they'd cried...well, maybe that was stretching it a liiiiittle bit, but hey, they were BUDS! Genius that he was, Kakashi couldn't figure it out. He worried about the younger man, but more importantly, though he only barely registered this emotion, he was a bit hurt that the Chuunin hadn't opened up. Iruka-sensei was known to fly off the handle and blurt out whatever was upsetting him whenever occasion had presented itself, reputation for politeness notwithstanding. If the scarecrow didn't know better, he'd almost think...

No, it couldn't be that. Iruka would have mentioned something, right? They'd been friends long enough, beginning back when Naruto and the others had become Kakashi's Team 7, almost five years now. Surely, the dolphin would have felt comfortable discussing something like this with him. Well, Kakashi did have that pervert reputation, but Iruka had gotten past his act by this point, don't you think?

'Act, heh,' Kakashi chuckled to himself. Well, it was mostly an act, put on to befuddle, amuse, and frustrate. A pretty good disguise, if he said so himself, which he did. Maybe Iruka was afraid he'd tease him about being in love. He shrugged philosophically. Yep, Iruka did know him pretty well after all. Kakashi's smile widened. This called for some investigating, and there was no time like the present! He put his trashy novel back in his pouch and emerged from the corner, hot on the dolphin's trail.

XXXXXXX

'Stupid baka!' Iruka called himself names under his breath with the coffeepot as mute witness. At least the coffeepot didn't try to help or tease. It just sat there, friendly and full of java, waiting for sleepy cranky people to come help themselves. He paused in his ranting for a moment and gave the pot a thankful smile. It never hurt anyone, after all. At least the break room was empty for once, so he didn't have to worry about anyone wondering about his strangeness today. He enjoyed the momentary solitude, mesmerized by the steam that curled lazily upwards from the dark liquid's surface. Iruka closed his eyes and let his head sag to the side as he contemplated his messed-up love life.

'Love isn't supposed to be so difficult, is it? Why couldn't I have picked someone easy to love? No complications, simple boring life, nice family? Why him? I mean, it's not the fact that he's a he; I accepted that about myself quite some time ago. Why does it have to be him? Maybe it's because we spend so much time together now that Naruto and the others have been promoted, maybe it's just proximity.' Iruka squeezed one eye more tightly shut as he discarded the notion quickly. 'If that's all it were, I'd be in love with half the shinobi in this village since I see them all the time when they hand in their reports.' He sighed again, this one even gustier than the previous ones in the quiet room.

'I can't tell him. I couldn't bear to see the look on his face...' Iruka smirked at the thought and amended the visual from horrified face complete with open hanging jaw to one highly outraged dark eyeball. Kakashi's mask and headband made it nearly impossible to see the usual expressions, but that one eye could tell you everything if you knew the Jounin well enough. It curved in the cutest way when he was happy, narrowed to a slit when he was in protective mode, softened so sweetly as he watched his students grow and achieve over the years. Iruka's expression turned a little foolish before he groaned out his frustrated longing to the room.

Five years was a long time to love someone with so little return. Well, friendship was no small gift by any means, but really, five years was quite an investment of one's self. They had gotten to know each other pretty quickly, beginning with their public quarrel over Team 7's involvement in their first Chuunin exams. Once Iruka had admitted his error, he had made an effort to befriend the other teacher in charge of Naruto's development. So maybe they didn't have the most in common, but they did just fine. The two of them never had a problem having a simple conversation, and the silences that fell between them were usually companionable.

'His friendship means so much, I don't want to jeopardize it,' he thought sadly. A tiny voice in the back of his mind decided now would be a good time to butt in.

/Oh, blah blah blah, honey. Jeopardize, my left cheek. You're just scared to do something about it. You've been comfortable with it the way it is. This way you don't have to do any actual work, you can just sit back and wallow in your misery. You're such a victim sometimes/

Iruka opened his eyes, startled. Where had that come from? The voice continued relentlessly.

/It's easy having a crush, distant or not. That letter was bullcrap and you know it. Crushes are all in your mind, you could stop it any time you wanted to, IF you wanted to badly enough. Love takes work. Love ISN'T easy, or pretty all the time, or safe. Crushes are safe, because you have no responsibility except to your own fantasy life. Love means standing up and doing something about it. What you feel for Kakashi, is it love or not? Did you just waste five good years on a crush? I don't think so./

'I didn't waste five years! I didn't.' Iruka tried to reason with himself. He knew it was love. The desolation he felt at the thought of never seeing Kakashi again was real, the fear he felt when Kakashi was on a mission was more than just being a worrywart, the lightness he felt inside when they were alone and hanging out wasn't just fantasized.

"So why haven't I done anything about it? Why have I let so much time go by when I could have told him?"

XXXXXXXX

"Could have told him what?" The jounin's voice was quiet and deep, sending a shiver down Iruka's spine, before he snapped into awareness. The Chuunin blushed and whirled around, trying to process the sudden appearance of the man he loved. He stammered for a moment.

"Uh...um... what was that, Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi gave Iruka a puzzled look. That was odd. Was he avoiding the question? It seemed simple enough.

"Could have told who what?" he repeated. The dolphin tried to wet his suddenly dry mouth with a sip of coffee, but it sloshed over onto his hand, stinging it with heat. He yelped and put the mug back onto the counter, closely inspecting the injured appendage. Kakashi fought the urge to rush to Iruka's side, knowing the chuunin probably wouldn't appreciate his hovering for such a minor incident. He just brought out Kakashi's protective side for some reason. He rummaged in one of his pockets for the tube of burn stuff he kept handy and held it under Iruka's nose.

"Use some of this, it'll help." Kakashi frowned at the teacher who had yet to meet his eye. Iruka took the proffered medicine and began to apply it to the tender skin. His mind raced, hoping that Kakashi would magically forget what he had just heard and drop the subject.

"Thanks, Kakashi-sensei. Crisis averted, eh?" Iruka smiled at his friend, praying the question had been shelved permanently. He handed back the medicine and turned back to his coffee to try to calm his racing heart. The sight of the tall man so close behind him had fuddled his brain. Damn hormones. Lust could be so inconvenient, especially when the lust object was standing so close and could actually kill you with little actual effort.

"Iruka-sensei, are you all right? You seem very distracted today." Kakashi stared intently at the back of the chuunin's head, watching the younger man's ponytail swish as he shook his head in the negative.

"Oh, I'm fine!" Iruka said brightly, "Don't you worry about me." He yelped again as he felt hands on his hips, turning him around by gentle force. The two men stood nose-to-nose, Iruka's bright red with an embarrassed flush. Kakashi peered closely into the chocolate brown eyes of the other man, looking for clues.

"Then why were you talking to yourself and groaning and making faces?" Kakashi's one revealed eye crinkled in amusement and friendly concern.

"Um, you saw that? How long were you standing there?" Iruka inhaled deeply in an effort to even out his breathing, but Kakashi's nearness made it impossible. The scent of pine and fresh air and something slightly exotic assailed his senses. Couldn't Kakashi just wear Old Spice and give him half a chance of NOT liking something about him? He closed his eyes again, giving the appearance of mortification, but really trying to hide his emotions from his friend.

"Long enough, Iruka-sensei. You've got me curious now." Iruka peeked at the jounin, dismayed.

"Curious?" he squeaked. This couldn't be a good thing. How long could he last against someone like Kakashi on a mission of discovery? Weren't jounin trained to get information any way possible? His eyes widened in horror, imagining the possibilities. Later, when he was alone, he'd revisit the subject with much more pleasurable options, but at the moment it was a terrible idea.

"Just answer the question," Kakashi persisted. "Something's troubling you and I want to help. You should be honored, usually I'm too lazy to bother, but you're important to me and I want to help," he repeated softly. The dolphin looked like he was about to freak out. Kakashi grasped the man about the shoulders and leaned closer. "You don't look well and you're obviously upset about something. I thought we were friends enough that you could come to me?" Iruka sighed. Trapped.

/Don't waste another five years, baka./

'I won't,' he thought to himself. 'I just can't do it today. I've got to work up to it. I'm going to do it. I'm promising myself right now that I'm going to tell Kakashi how I feel about him. If he doesn't accept it, then at least I won't be wasting any more time, and if he does, then...then...well, I guess that's putting the cart before the horse. First confidence, then I've got to tell him, then I wait and see what he does.'

"One step at a time," he whispered, staring into Kakashi's eye.


	2. Truth and Beauty

Chapter Two: Truth and Beauty

Iruka stared at the masked ninja for an endless moment, not realizing he had spoken his thought aloud. Seconds passed as he contemplated the decision he'd just made. His face was like an open book, and the queasiness he felt at the thought of taking such a risk was enough to make him look like he was about to be sick. He swallowed convulsively, his expression far too serious for the other man's comfort.

"Ehhhh...that's it, I'm taking you home right now," Kakashi stated as he began to firmly steer the teacher from the coffeepot. Iruka realized what was happening and put up enough of a struggle to stop their progress.

"Kakashi-sensei! What are you doing? I've got another six hours to get through here, I can't just leave!" Iruka squelched the urge to yell 'Unhand me, you masher!' at the top of his lungs and settled instead for digging in his heels and grabbing onto the doorframe with both hands. Kakashi looked surprised at how easily the chuunin was able to resist; he hadn't expected that from the younger man. Iruka scowled, knowing just exactly was going through his friend's mind.

"Just because I'm younger than you and I won't ever be a jounin like you, don't think I don't have strength of my own! I won't be pushed around!" Iruka could feel his face grow warm with indignation and Kakashi's eye widened further.

"I'm not trying to push you around, you baka," he growled, using Naruto's favorite expression. "There's obviously something wrong here. One minute you're talking to yourself and groaning, the next you look like you're going to throw up, and now these bizarre mood swings. Come on, talk to me. Let me help you." Kakashi dropped his hands from the chuunin's shoulders and grinned cheekily. "You're starting to remind me of Sakura-chan in her Sasuke-loving days. Hmm. Why is that, Iruka-sensei? Are you feeling the effects of loooooooooove?" His voice dropped on the last syllable, the husky tone of that magic word sending tingles up the neck of the teacher.

Iruka fought to keep his composure. Oh, what he wouldn't give to hear that again, but this time about a half inch from his ear, preferably while naked with a certain silver-haired ninja pressed up against him. His mouth instantly dried out and his cheeks burned. Kakashi took the blush as an affirmative and pressed the issue with glee.

"So, who is it, Iruka-sensei? Anyone I know?" His jovial leer gave him a slightly crazed look, kind of like a one-eyed pirate that had been in the grog a few days. The teacher refused lift his eyes from the floor and kept his mouth tightly clamped shut as he stewed over the situation.

"Not going to tell me, eh? Don't worry, I'll figure it out." Iruka met his gaze then, the expression of terror apparent in the chocolate-brown eyes.

"Oh, I get it. She's ugly, isn't she? That's why you don't want me to know, right?" Kakashi teased his friend, just warming up to his subject. "Hunchback? Crazy?" The chuunin's muttered response of "glass houses" passed right by the excited scarecrow.

"Is it someone you work with? Did you go to the academy with her? Uh, let's see...Anko? No, she's insane. Too wild for you. Hmm—" Iruka interrupted in a huff.

"How the hell would you know what's too wild for me? You have no idea what turns me on!" Iruka clamped his mouth shut again as he realized what he had said in the middle of the hallway, which was thankfully quite deserted at the moment. Kakashi chuckled. Sometimes it was just too easy to press Iruka's buttons.

"Funny, I don't think we've ever had that conversation," he grinned under his mask. Iruka narrowed his eyes dangerously. Kakashi backed off at the implied threat, still smiling.

"Ahh, you know what? I just finished a mission so I'm done for the day, and you're off duty in a few hours, so why don't we go out when you're done here? We'll get completely smashed and you can tell me everything!" Iruka blanched at the thought. Two drinks and he would indeed be telling Kakashi everything, probably while crawling into the man's lap and giggling like a loon. Definitely too soon for that!

"Uh, how about just dinner and we skip the drinks? I don't think my stomach is up to alcohol today," Iruka managed to suggest calmly. Kakashi nodded happily.

"I'll come by to get you when you're done. It's a date!" He walked off, whistling a happy tune. Iruka brought a hand to his forehead and forced himself to relax. Tonight was going to be hell.

XXXXXXXX

The rest of his shift crawled by at a snail's pace, as per usual for when the two of them had plans together. Anticipation and dread dueled for top billing in Iruka's mind as he shuffled his paperwork around, concentration shot. Time spent with Kakashi was always fun, but with this sudden, new resolve things could get tense. His inner self was right (as inner selves so often are); having a crush was easy but doing something about it was going to be one of the most difficult things he'd ever done. Probably everything would change. He could potentially lose the best friend he'd had in years.

/you could also improve on the best thing you've got going in your life. Love like this doesn't come around very often, you pansy. Just shut up and tell him already/

'I am!' he protested to himself. 'I just need a little time.'

/how much more time could you possibly need?? Seriously, five years of friendship and you need more time? Are you waiting for an invitation?/ his inner voice sneered at his weak excuse.

'Research, it's called reconnaissance, ok? We've never talked about anything like this before, I have no idea how he'd feel about something like this coming from me.'

/ththpbbpbpbpbpbttttt!/ his inner voice threw him a mental raspberry. /WEAK! If you don't know him well enough by now, maybe you shouldn't bother/ Iruka's heart clenched at the thought of giving up before he'd even gotten started.

/I thought you'd feel that way/

'Well, he did take it very well when we found out about Naruto and Sasuke...'

/and what did he say?/

'It was about time.'

/and?/

'You should take love when you find it, appreciate it for the gift it is...'

/you need more than that?/

'You're right...err...I'm right...uhh...GAAHH! Still talking to myself!' Iruka dropped his forehead to his desk and groaned. A voice broke into his thoughts.

"Iruka-sensei? Are you feeling ok? You don't look well." Genma's concerned face was revealed as Iruka opened one eye and peeked up at the other jounin, head still firmly planted on the desk.

"I'm getting that a lot today."

XXXXXXX

Iruka was quite familiar with Kakashi's eternal lack of punctuality, so he didn't hurry to pack up at the end of his shift. To his surprise, the scarecrow was only twenty minutes late, truly a record. Iruka didn't bother to hide his shock and couldn't help but tease the man.

"Let me guess, you finished your book and had nothing to do? No old ladies to save? No kittens to rescue? I see, you've come to me so I can entertain you instead. Glad I could be here to amuse you in your hour of boredom." Kakashi's single, revealed eye crinkled in amusement.

"How did you know? You're so smart, Iruka-sensei! I feel relief knowing the children of Konoha are in your ever-capable and knowledgeable hands!" He flung an arm around the chuunin's shoulders and leaned his head in to smile at his friend.

"You scare me when you sound like Gai-sensei," Iruka muttered.

"Do you want me to stop? I was just going to give you a lecture on truth and the beauty of youth!" Kakashi gave the younger man a squeeze and chuckled at the pained expression on his friend's face.

"Please don't. I couldn't take it. I'm already nauseous." Of course, that could have something to do with the fact that he was standing in a deserted room with the man's arm wrapped around his shoulders and faces only inches apart. If it weren't for that damn mask. He'd only seen what was under it once, and the image was burned into his memory.

Smooth, pale skin, strong jaw, straight fine nose. He still wasn't sure how it had happened. One minute they'd been chatting over dinner, which Kakashi made disappear in his usual light-speed fashion, the next he'd been caught staring at the man's naked face. The jounin never removed his mask for anything or for anyone; the features beneath it were a mystery and definitely part of his allure. Iruka thanked the gods of hot soup for the moment he'd been witness to. He'd already been three-quarters in love with the man before he'd even seen his whole face, but that moment pushed him over the edge. Was he shallow for appreciating the man's physical beauty? Nahh, he really was a sexy beast, you couldn't take it out of the equation.

Iruka prayed that none of these thoughts were visible on his own face and grimaced in frustration. It was so hard to hide this all the time; it was really going to be a relief to get it out in the open. No matter the consequences, he had to do this. It was worth the risk. He was going to go crazy if he didn't get this out soon.

"Maybe we shouldn't go out if you're not feeling well?" Concern replaced the grin on Kakashi's face. "You look like you did this afternoon. You're not going to throw up are you?" He backed slowly away from the shorter man, looking nervous.

"A little puke never hurt anyone," Iruka snapped. "Washes right out. Trust me, working with kids all day, I know." Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the tone.

"Hmm, I think someone needs a nap," he said in a teasing voice. Iruka gave him an elbow in the gut and stepped further out of the other man's space.

"I'm not a four year old, Kakashi-sensei."

"Well, you're starting to act like it," he grinned. Iruka huffed in annoyance, knowing he was indeed beginning to act childishly. Five years of sexual frustration, several weeks of reduced sleep, and one very long day were taking their toll on the usually upbeat chuunin.

"Let's just go eat. There actually is something I want to talk to you about."


	3. The Person I Come Back To

Thank you for your lovely feedback! It made my days go by very quickly and the writing go smoothly. I appreciate the fact that people took the time to read this story and then go the extra effort to make a comment.

Disclaimers/Warnings: If you've read this far, you know it's shounen-ai (IruKaka, with a hint of SasuNaru), some very mild language. Big big FLUFF ahead!! Get out the peanut butter, you can feed your entire town.

If I owned Naruto, there'd be a lot more dirty Kakairu action, oh well!

Sugoi --amazing, wow

Chapter Three: The Person I Come Back To

Kakashi's interest was piqued. This was more like it! Now he'd finally get some answers about what was troubling his friend. He was certain that it was a romantic problem, especially from the way Iruka had blushed like mad earlier. In all these years, this was the first time he'd ever heard of Iruka having feelings for someone. He'd gotten used to being just the two of them, and he had absolutely no idea who the teacher could be interested in. What kind of woman would he like? Someone studious and kind like him, probably. His curiosity wasn't to be satisfied any time soon, however, because right after saying he had something he wanted to talk about, the chuunin had clammed up, leaving the two men to walk in silence through the village.

Kakashi was surprised by a tiny flare of jealousy at the thought of his friend finding love. He'd had the dolphin to himself for years, only sharing with Naruto for the chuunin's attention. He hoped it wouldn't all change between them because of a woman. Who else was he going to tease? And even though professionally they were at different levels, Iruka-sensei could still give him a pretty good spar if he asked nice. And the man could cook! No more free meals and good conversation without some disapproving female looking over their shoulders. A woman would storm right in and upset the delicate balances of their lives! Any woman nice enough for Iruka wouldn't like Kakashi at all, that was for sure.

What nice girl would let the pervert-sensei into their polite world? This was serious.

He grabbed the shorter man's arm and halted their progress. Iruka faced him with a questioning look.

"Ok, this is going to sound random, but...Promise me that things won't change between us." Kakashi's usually laid-back expression became intent. Iruka's jaw dropped slightly in confusion. Did he already know what Iruka was going to tell him? Was that a warning? How...? He felt his stomach take a slow roll of anxious dismay.

"Wha...What do you mean by that, Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi stepped closer and slid his hand up to grasp Iruka's shoulder in a firm grip, causing the younger man to suck in a quick breath at the other's nearness on the dark sidewalk.

"I mean, whoever she is, don't let her get in the middle of our friendship. I don't want to lose you the way Asuma disappeared after he and Kurenai got together. I've seen it happen too many times. It's hard enough as a ninja to keep friends; you know this lifestyle doesn't exactly embrace emotional ties or longevity," he stated quietly.

"You're the only person I have to come back to from a mission," his voice softened as he considered the significance of the statement. "I'd hate to lose that." He dropped his eyes to the man's chest as he realized how that sounded to his own ears. It was true. Seeing Iruka's cheerful face always had a calming effect on him, even after the most harrowing of missions; his unquestioning acceptance made the older man feel like a human, no matter what he'd done in the name of duty. Their friendship was the one constant in his life besides Naruto's eternal love of ramen.

Iruka's heart was in his throat at Kakashi's unexpectedly revealed feelings. He was important to the man he loved. Lightness swept over him as he replayed the words in his head. Maybe this wouldn't be so painful after all. There was hope to be had. He placed one of his own hands on top of the one on his shoulder and tilted his head up to try to see Kakashi's face more clearly.

"You won't ever lose me, Kakashi-sensei. You're very important to me as well. I promise you that no woman will ever come between us," he finished the sentence with a tiny grin, knowing too well the truth of his words. Definitely no woman involved. The jounin's gloved hand was solid under his own, and radiated heat even through the fabric that covered it. They smiled at each other almost shyly for a moment before Kakashi gave him a light punch on the arm and turned away.

"So, um, what brought that on?" Iruka questioned casually as they began moving again in the direction of the restaurant. "It's rather unusual for you to just start sharing your feelings like that. Usually we talk about missions or training or something. Politics. Sports and manly things. Not emotions." He could have sworn he noticed a pinkness at the edge of Kakashi's mask, but there wasn't enough light to be certain. The jounin cleared his throat and looked around to see if anyone was watching.

"Well, you see...it's kind of ridiculous actually." He laughed in an embarrassed way.

"Try me." Iruka grinned.

"See, uh, now don't laugh. I kind of started thinking about this woman that you're in love with and then I started thinking about how someone you like would probably be nice and then she wouldn't want me around and how that would pretty much suck...Women usually mess things up between friends. I just didn't want her getting in the way of that. I like it the way it is." Iruka's eyes widened. That sounded like...

"You were jealous!" he said, amazed. A jealous Kakashi? Over him? _Sugoi._

"Hn. I guess it could look that way," Kakashi muttered.

"Only if you have your eyes open!" Iruka retorted. "You thought I'd just dump you for some girl? I hope you think better of me than that!"

"Hey, that's not what I was saying, baka! I meant that women get it into their heads sometimes that a man's old friends should just wither up and blow away so they can have his whole attention. I thought you might be caught in her wiles and forget about me. Oh, forget it. Pretend I never said anything." Kakashi sighed in exasperation.

"I'm not going to forget it. You were jealous because you want me all to yourself," Iruka's grin stretched over his entire face, crinkling up his eyes with glee. If only!

Kakashi gave the younger man a light whap upside the back of his head and snorted.

"Well, there was more to it than that. I wanted to get the ball rolling on this talk we're going to have later. See, I was doing that thing where I share something, and then you share something, then me, then you...Sakura told me all about friendship and how it works a few years ago."

"You're taking advice from a girl who regularly got into fistfights with her own best friend over a boy? The one that tried to beat her best friend into a coma because she'd touched Sasuke-kun's hair?" Iruka raised an eyebrow at the thought.

"They got past that though." Kakashi shrugged.

"Only after they both ended up in the hospital that time and Sasuke finally told them about his true feelings for Naruto to keep them from killing each other in intensive care."

"But they got past it eventually. And even through all that hair-pulling and name calling, they still cared about each other when it came down to it."

"True. But really. Sakura?"

"Well, what she said made sense, don't you think? Sharing, blah blah blah, feelings, blah blah blah..." He grinned at the chuunin beside him as they entered the restaurant at last. "Oh," he whispered, "If you ever tell anyone what I just told you, I'll probably deny it to my last breath. The great Kakashi does not DO emotions!"

"Uh huh." Iruka rolled his eyes behind his friend's back as they found a booth. "I've seen you get weepy at the end of another installment of Icha Icha Paradise when you know the next one won't be out for another month," he teased.

"Well, hell, that calls for crying! What's a man to do without his porn?" Kakashi looked at the chuunin in feigned astonishment at the thought of a porn-less man.

"Um, he could get a life?" Iruka grinned down at the menu as he perused the selections. For once they had passed up Ichiraku for an actual sit-down restaurant. Nothing fancy, but the setting was still a little more adult than their usual fare.

"Gee," he remarked. "I hardly know what to order. I'm eating out and it's not ramen! Choices, choices..." He looked up at his dining companion and blinked. The silver-haired man was mere inches away, said hair almost tickling Iruka's face as he leaned over the table to see the other man's menu.

"Hey, yours has different stuff than mine. I think I got the lunch menu." Kakashi tossed his own menu aside and scooted over to Iruka's side of the booth to share. Iruka's entire side tingled at the heat coming from the other man's body pressed up next to his. Kakashi had no sense of personal space, which made it difficult to concentrate but generated wonderful material for fantasies. Iruka's eyes began to drift shut at the sensations but willed himself to keep the blissful look from his face. He struggled to continue the conversation through the distraction of Kakashi's firm thigh touching his.

"I take it your mission was successful?"

"Huh?" Kakashi didn't take his eyes from the menu, absorbed in the array of items.

"The mission you mentioned returning from? I assume it was successful?"

"You know what they say about 'assume'. Hehehe." Kakashi slid his eye to the side to grin at Iruka. Iruka shook his head at the asinine joke.

"Well, you're in one piece and I didn't get any bad reports in the mission room, so in this case I think I can assume correctly." Kakashi was struck by inspiration.

"Were you worried, Iruka-sensei? That's so sweet!" Kakashi leaned his head on the teacher's shoulder in a snuggly move and sighed in a girlish tone.

Iruka was frozen to his seat in shock. 'What do I do? Act natural, damn it!'

"You ass," he muttered, attempting to shove the silver-haired man off of him. Kakashi latched on to him with both arms and held tight.

"Oi, Iruka-sensei. Don't be so cruel! It's already started! Don't let her tear us apart!" he cried, voice rising and catching the attention of their nearest dining companions. He grinned like a maniac below the mask, enjoying Iruka's raging blush and expression of dawning horror. The man's ears were going to catch fire any minute. Kakashi sniffled, pretending to cry, thereby drawing even more attention to their booth.

"What's her name?!" he demanded in a mock-hurt tone. "The least you could do is tell me the name of the whore that's taking you away from me!" Kakashi tossed his head with dramatic flair. The people at the surrounding tables didn't even pretend to look away; all were simultaneously fascinated and horrified at the spectacle. Iruka struggled in the tight hold, face aflame and temper rising.

"Let go of me right now, Kakashi-sensei!" he whispered furiously.

"Oh, come on, Iruka. I was just getting warmed up here!" Kakashi leaned his head in so they were only inches apart, breath tickling the tender skin under Iruka's ponytail. "Play with me," he whispered teasingly.

It was more than the chuunin could take. It was so close to one of those fantasies he'd had, caught up in Kakashi's embrace, whispering fabulous things into his ear with emotions on the rise, among other things. But this, this was too much for one poor man to take. He broke one arm free and swung a shaking hand over to point straight at Kakashi's nose.

"Stop. It. Right. Now." The command was clear. Kakashi's visible eye narrowed in consideration. Yep, he meant it.

"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly. "I was hoping the Surprise Embarrassment no Jutsu would work on you."

"You should be sorry," Iruka snapped, wriggling the rest of the way out of the other man's hold. "Back. Go back over to your side of the table." Kakashi pouted and resisted moving.

"But you're nice and warm," he whined, snuggling up to Iruka's side once more. "It was damn cold out there on that mission. I froze my ass off for a week!" The chuunin raised an eyebrow.

"It was only four days. Autumn just started. We haven't even had a frost yet."

"Yeah, well...it was still cold and lonely. And you're warm!" He batted his visible eye at the younger man in an effort to look cute. Iruka sighed and gave up. Puppy dog eyes still work even when you can only see one of them.

"Fine. Just keep your hands where I can see them," he replied, meaning the complete opposite. Kakashi's grin returned in full-force. Lose the battle, win the war, ne?

"Soooooo, Iruka-sensei. Who is she?"

"You honestly think I'm going to tell you after that little stunt you just pulled?" The waiter interrupted them to take their order, distracting the scarecrow only momentarily from the subject at hand. He took no notice of the man's curious stare at the two snuggling ninja.

What was so weird about snuggling ninja?


	4. Red Umbrella

Hello, thank you for your lovely reviews. I appreciate them more than you know. Nobody likes to work in a vacuum, right? And to the reviewer that wanted them to share dessert—I loved that idea! However, I couldn't get the picture of Lady and the Tramp eating spaghetti out of my head! Maybe once I get these two together we can have some cheesecake loving! Muahhahahahaha!! Oh also, assume that Sasuke had a major character renovation after killing his brother. Yes, I made it up. I'm the writer, I can make it go that way. So nyaaahhhh. Isn't fiction fun?

Oh, and have you noticed my love of cliffhangers yet? Nothing drives me crazier than a cliffhanger, that's why I love writing them!

I don't own Naruto, or Sasuke, or Iruka, or Kakashi, but if I did, I'd be a very tired girl! IruKaka, SasuNaru looooove.

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Chapter Four: Red Umbrella

Hatake Kakashi was a very secure man. He prided himself on it, in fact, which explained his total lack of embarrassment over snuggling with his best friend in public. The casual observer would never guess, but he always found the simple things in life to be the best. He had good food in front of him, dry clothes on, no bugs or mud to deal with, and his favorite person at his side. What more could he ask for?

Maybe an answer to that darn question would be nice. Who was she?

Kakashi felt a surge of protectiveness. Iruka was a very kind and compassionate person, though perhaps a bit too naïve and trusting for the jounin's taste. He'd just have to keep an eye out for his friend, save him if the situation called for it.

"So, Iruka-sensei. You still haven't told me anything about this girl you like."

Iruka paused in mid-chew and blinked. He'd known the other man's silence on the subject wouldn't last. At least he'd had most of the meal to enjoy before the questions started again. He swallowed carefully around the lump that had lodged itself in his throat. Was he ready or not?

"I promise I won't laugh," the silver-haired man promised, guessing accurately at the dolphin's hesitation.

"Liar."

"No, really, I won't. You don't even have to tell me her name yet. Why don't you just tell me about her? What kind of person is she? What does she look like? That sort of thing."

"Hn." Iruka's expression was doubtful.

"Pleeeeease," Kakashi begged, looking so kawaii that Iruka couldn't resist. The chuunin sighed and tried to figure out how say the things he wanted to without giving it all away.

"All right, but not here. Let's take a walk." Kakashi signaled their waiter for the bill, which appeared almost immediately for some strange reason. It was almost as if the serving staff was afraid of another outburst from the two ninja in the corner booth and wanted to push them out the door. They paid and left immediately, Iruka practically running due to nerves.

It had begun to rain sometime during their meal, an early autumn drizzle that soaked and chilled everything it touched. The two men hurried under a convenient awning, huddling together beneath the barely adequate shelter.

"I guess a walk's out of the question now," Kakashi joked. "Now what, oh great sensei?"

Iruka was yet again distracted by the jounin's nearness and didn't answer. Dinner had been torture, surely being in love with a friend was yet another circle of hell previously unknown. So happy to be with the one you love, struggling to hide the intense joy and deeper emotions brought out by the slightest touch, choking back the words that are fighting to break free...He never would have chosen this, that is, if he'd even had a choice. Knowing that the most simple of actions could betray his intentions made every conversation a minefield of danger.

Well, maybe that was overdoing it a little bit—they'd spent plenty of normal times together, times where Iruka wasn't thinking of throwing caution to the wind and just glomping the poor man every other minute. He'd had to learn to compartmentalize his emotions because shutting them away was sometimes the one and only tactic that could preserve his sanity. It was tiring to be that high-strung; he'd had to do something to keep himself from going crazy. So, he stored up all his memories to be enjoyed and savored when he was alone again. In a way, it was almost a relief when Kakashi was away on a mission. Iruka could let his guard down and remember the times they spent together, could embellish as he chose, could pretend yet another day that it was all possible. He felt a heavy sadness gather around his heart at the realization of just how lonely that life was in actuality. Iruka stared out at the rain-soaked street, hardly seeing anything in front of him. A light poke in his side brought him abruptly back to earth.

"Baka! What'd you do that for?" he grunted in annoyance. Kakashi put one hand over the chuunin's mouth to shush him up and gestured with the other to the opposite side of the street. His masked face moved close to Iruka's ear so he could communicate without being heard by the subject of their gaze.

"Over there. It's so sweet, don't you think?" he whispered happily, removing his hand, warm breath tickling the chuunin's ear. Iruka felt a zing travel down his neck into his spine at the feathery touch. He felt himself inching closer, desperate to feel Kakashi's lips on the sensitive ear, just once, just once to take home and relive endlessly. Kakashi's next words snapped him back from the trance-like state that had overcome him.

"You know, it's their anniversary next week. We should go in on a gift and surprise them. What do you think we should get them?" Iruka finally caught up to what Kakashi was saying and noticed the pair that was wrapped up in each other across the street, partially hidden under a big, red umbrella. Naruto had Sasuke's collar in his grasp, tugging the loose fabric upwards in an attempt to keep the rain from dribbling down his koi's neck. Sasuke smiled and tightened his hold on the blond, both young men oblivious to passersby and observers.

Iruka's expression softened noticeably as he felt his heart expand at the sight. The two had grown up so well together. No longer were they at each other's throats in frantic bids to outdo the other. Shortly after becoming jounins, the two had left the village in search of Itachi, Sasuke's murderous older brother. Their hunt had been successful, both in accomplishing the mission and in bringing the two to the point of finally admitting their true feelings for each other. They had been so happy on their return that they fairly glowed, making it obvious to all what had happened at long last. Neither Iruka nor Kakashi had been very surprised at the development. The constant competition and name-calling had practically screamed of repressed feelings. He was relieved that they had each found their precious person in the other, and even more proud that each boy had had the courage to tell the other the truth. They really had turned into fine young men.

Iruka was embarrassed to feel a prickling behind his eyes and he blinked back moisture. They made a perfectly matched couple and their contentment shone through the rain, nearly a palpable entity on the darkened street. The dolphin was almost overwhelmed by a wave of longing so raw it took his breath away.

"I want what they have," he whispered, unaware he had spoken aloud, and unaware that Kakashi had been watching him since pointing out the lovers several minutes earlier. He'd watched the expressions travel across Iruka's face at warp speeds, struggling to name each as they passed by.

Pride he'd recognized easily; Iruka and he had discussed many times how proud they were of the two young men and their accomplishments. He was especially proud of them for working together to accomplish their goals. Their joint mission to go after Itachi had worried the teacher to no end; he hadn't properly slept for weeks, not until the two returned home, battered but victorious, and openly in love. Naruto wasn't Hokage yet, but he was on the path for advancement, as was Sasuke.

Love mixed in with the pride for sure; Kakashi knew just how much Iruka loved the young Kyuubi and his partner. Naruto and Iruka had a very special father/son type relationship. He knew the dolphin would have adopted the boy years ago but things had never worked out properly to make it legal. He'd always regretted not being able to fix it for the boy; all those years of being hated by the village had left their marks on the blond as well as Iruka. He'd grieved every time the boy had gotten hurt again and had only wished to protect him from the discrimination and ignorance. Iruka was by no means the strongest of shinobi, but when it came to his honorary son he could be the fiercest of warriors.

Then, close on the heels of those two emotions, he'd seen a look of such utter, deep sadness that it made his own chest ache. Iruka looked as if his heart was breaking in two. A suspicious sheen glimmered in the chocolate brown eyes as he watched the pair under the umbrella lean in for kisses then walk off hand in hand. Kakashi gathered Iruka to him in a one-armed hug and tried to comfort him with a pat on the other shoulder.

"Iruka-sensei, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" he asked quietly and in a soothing voice. "You've been so strange today and your emotions have been all over the place. Is it this woman? If she's already doing this to you, you don't need the hassle. This can't be healthy." Iruka tried for a manly snort, but it sounded more like a sniffle.

"I'm just happy for them. I'm terribly envious, mind you, but I'm very happy for them. I'm just tired of being alone, that's all." Iruka tried for an upbeat smile but his obvious mess of feelings overrode the positive message. Kakashi looked at him intently for a long moment, trying to see beneath the poorly constructed façade.

"You're not alone, baka. You have me!" Kakashi crinkled his visible eye in a gentle smile. Iruka struggled to keep the misery from his face as he pondered the words. Yes, he had Kakashi, just not the way he needed. Would he ever? Did he have the courage to say it? He closed his eyes and took a calming breath as he stepped out from under Kakashi's strong arm. He kept them closed as he asked a lead-in question.

"You want to know what kind of person it is that I love?" He couldn't see Kakashi's face, but he could hear the surprise in his voice as he replied.

"You're finally going to tell me?"

"Hai."

"All right, tell me what she's like." Iruka couldn't help but smirk. For a genius ninja, Kakashi was so dense.

"The person I love..." he started in a quiet voice, still not looking at the jounin, "is strong, capable, and smart. This person is beautiful, beyond the usual in every way, though looks were the last thing I fell in love with. This person is the most honorable and compassionate of people, wise and experienced, possessing depths that are not apparent on the surface, though for all their wisdom and honor, certainly not afraid of embarrassing themselves." He smiled fondly.

"Only with this person can I feel true joy, because we connect on many different levels. Our conversations are easy and the time we spend together fills my heart. I crave this person's touch, though we have never touched in any way but that of friends. I crave this person's heart, because it is part of my own. I want nothing more than to spend my life as this one's partner, having equal shares of one life together."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at the younger man, though the dolphin couldn't see it because his eyes were still closed. The jounin felt another pang of jealousy at the thought of this unnamed person with his friend. Wait, why did Iruka keep saying 'person' and 'one'? Did that mean something? Should he be looking beneath the underneath when Iruka was always straightforward and meant what he said? He cleared his throat, interrupting the teacher's speech.

"I had no idea you were such a romantic, Iruka-sensei. This person you speak of is very lucky. Have you asked her out yet?" Kakashi really wanted to know, but wasn't quite sure why it was suddenly so important.

Iruka frowned. Of course he wouldn't have figured it out by what he'd said, it was still too general. He could feel his heart beating frantically at how far he'd already come. He should come clean now; get it all out in the open. He turned his back to Kakashi and opened his eyes at last, focusing on the rain-fuzzy sky at the edges of the awning they were still under. He took a deep breath and continued.

"There's one thing holding me back," he said in a near-whisper. Kakashi stepped closer to hear his confession; Iruka could feel the man's body heat radiating from him in the cool night air.

"What is it, Iruka-sensei?" he murmured. "You can tell me anything. I promise I won't laugh at you."

"That's not why...that's not it," he sighed.

"Then what is it?"

'Now or never,' he thought to himself. Banzai!

"I...I've been lying to this person for years. I'm afraid if I tell him, he'll never look at me the same way again. I betrayed our friendship by keeping a secret of my feelings. How can I offer my heart when dishonesty has been my ruler? Do I lose a friendship or do I find a love? Friendship has always won out, because I would die if I lost that and I've been too much of a coward to try for the love." He held his breath, hoping for and dreading the moment when realization would hit the scarecrow.

Kakashi blinked. Did he just say 'he'? That sounded like...

He stepped in front of the pony-tailed chuunin and stared into his face. Iruka returned the stare without flinching, chin raised defiantly, standing tall and strong now that he'd finally done it. The weights were lifting.

"I don't want to be a coward anymore." Kakashi blinked again.

"Iruka-sensei, I'd swear you were talking about me there for a minute," he tried to joke, but the words sounded wrong. Iruka didn't reply, just met his gaze steadily. Wide brown eyes met one dark eye as both men tried to process what had just been said. Iruka was experiencing a massive adrenaline rush that left him shaky. Five years of friendship were on the line and he'd just told his best friend how he felt. He'd done it! Relief would come later, along with all the other emotions he was holding at bay for the moment. He'd told him.

"I—Iruka? Was...that what you were saying?" Kakashi's visible eye was uncertain.

"Hai."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Hai."

"Um...wow. I don't know what to say..." Kakashi was shocked, to say the least.


	5. Pillow Talk

Sorry it took so much longer to update than previously, but as you'll see, this chapter is twice as long as the others! I hope you enjoy it! Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they really made my day with each and every one. Oh, and I promise that I won't end on a cliffhanger. Oh wait, that's a big fat lie! You'll just have to read and see, won't you?

Warnings: hmm, if you got this far, you know it's shounen-ai, KakaIru, tiny bit of mild language, odd small bits of random Japanese, more odd and random observations...

Chapter Five: Pillow Talk

Kakashi felt like an idiot. How did he never notice? How could Iruka, his best friend, have felt this way as strongly as he said, and Kakashi never have a clue? He was stunned. And the things the chuunin had said about him! Wise, honorable, beautiful. Beautiful? Surely he would have noticed something was up if the man thought he was beautiful! He felt panic rise up within him as he felt his world tilting. He needed time to think about this. Kakashi swallowed past the hysteria that was creeping up his throat in order to speak.

"Ne, Iruka-sensei...um...I think I left the stove on at home and I need to...uh...feed my cat." He turned to leave and felt a hand on his arm, impeding his exit.

"Kakashi-sensei...I..." Iruka sighed. "Never mind." The dolphin pushed past him in the direction of his own apartment, leaving the taller man gaping after him on the sidewalk. His stride was steady and sure as he left his bewildered friend behind him. He couldn't resist turning back for one last comment, smirking at the picture Kakashi made, one eye wide in shock and body frozen in place.

"I forget, Kakashi-sensei—was that the cat you gave away three years ago because I had allergies, or the one that you let wander away last year because it turned out you hated cats?"

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Kakashi grimaced. Of course it had been a flat-out lie, but it was the best he could come up with. He watched his friend's retreating back and drew in a shaky breath. What the hell just happened? He kept hearing the words over and over in his mind, and couldn't keep from seeing again the image of Iruka's big brown eyes as they had stared into his own. It must have taken incredible courage for the teacher to tell him how he felt. It was hard enough to tell the person you liked them when it was a 'normal' relationship, i.e. socially acceptable in a small village, but it must have been even harder in this situation. His respect for the teacher raised another notch or two.

His emotions were so mixed-up right now. He didn't even know where to start. Now it was Kakashi's turn to stare off into space as he contemplated this new information. What was he supposed to do with it? Was there action expected, and, if so, what? How did he feel? His feet started automatically taking him in the direction of his favorite thinking place, the rest of him heedless of the cold drizzle that was still falling or the fact that it was so dark now that he could hardly see. As he walked, he started to name a few feelings in an effort to find the ones that fit.

Angry? He supposed quite a few men would be upset that someone thought they might like other men that way, but Kakashi wasn't one of them. Again, he prided himself on being secure. And who ever said he wouldn't go that way, just because he hadn't yet? He wasn't angry with Iruka for keeping the secret either. Kakashi was able to put himself in the other man's shoes and understand just how difficult it had been to hold in something like for so long and couldn't find even the tiniest bit of anger. Iruka had seemed upset over lying to him over it, but really, it was understandable.

Happy, then? He just didn't know. Were those butterflies he felt in his stomach or just anxiety? It wasn't a bad thing that had just happened between them, just...unexpected. He couldn't honestly say he'd never thought about it himself, because natural human curiosity and his own specialized pervert characteristic had combined to allow one or two wayward thoughts over the years, especially after watching Naruto and Sasuke so openly express their feelings for each other. That had made him look around at his own friends, but he'd very quickly stopped that when he realized his friends also included Gai and Jiraiya. The horror! The dolphin, however, was an attractive man and the two of them got along so well it was like they were married anyway, so naturally he'd thought about it. Just never seriously. And, he'd had no idea that Iruka was thinking the same thing about him.

He felt a whisper of pride wiggle out of the shock. In a way, he was flattered that the dolphin thought those wonderful things about him. His ego had definitely been stroked in a good way. The man thought he was beautiful! He smiled a little at nothing in particular at the notion. No matter the situation, it felt nice to know that someone found him attractive.

It was just...weird. Really damn weird. He couldn't quite fully wrap his mind around it, flattered or not. This was Iruka, his buddy, his favorite person. In love with him. He blinked the rain out of his eye and sat on the ground in front of the memorial stones, right in a shallow puddle of freezing cold water.

"EEEEAAGGGGHHH!" Kakashi jumped back up and swiped ineffectually at his rear end. The rest of him was already soaked so a little more didn't make any noticeable difference. It was the second time today he'd had a cold wakeup call, only this time it was a bit more literal. He let his hand drop from its useless endeavor and stared, unseeing, at the wet stones. The whirl inside of him wouldn't stop. There were so many questions to be answered. Plus, it was making him lose his trademark cool, which irked him to no end.

He needed to do something about this now, because there was no way in hell he could sleep tonight.

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Iruka's brave face lasted just long enough to close his door behind him. He'd managed to make his way home without seeing anyone, no surprise due to the rain that only seemed too conveniently suited to his mood. He'd done it. He'd told him. The relief was beginning to set in, thankfully ahead of the regrets that were determined to make their presence known. Based on Kakashi's decided lack of reaction, it wasn't going to be a storybook romance, but then he was realistic enough to know that that would never have happened that way anyway.

"But it doesn't matter, because I told him, and that's all I wanted to do," he whispered to himself. He could hardly believe it. When he'd had that internal argument today, he'd thought he'd need at least a couple weeks to work up to it. Well, guess what? It just popped out today. He couldn't even blame it on alcohol. It wasn't the most romantic of declarations, but he'd said what he'd wanted to say and it was out there in a big way now.

"Holy crap," he muttered in disbelief. "Why did I do that?" He reached up and pulled off his leaf headband, taking his hair tie along with it, dropping both on the floor near the front door. He shrugged out of his sodden vest and shirt and made his way to the bathroom. Iruka was chilled to the bone and his body moved out of habit towards a hot shower. Wet sandals went flying out the bathroom door into the hall, where they went splat against the wall and bounced onto the floor in a muddy mess. His usually neat habits had been rudely shoved aside by the thoughts consuming him as he dropped his wet pants and leg wraps on the floor right where he took them off. The water temperature was perfect but Iruka didn't bother to linger in the shower, only staying in long enough to wash up and warm up a bit. Still on autopilot, he made his way to the bedroom for his pajamas, opting for a pair of well-worn drawstring pants and forgoing a shirt.

He dropped onto the bed after dressing and stared vaguely in the direction of the ceiling. He hadn't bothered to turn on the light, so he could barely make out any details of the room, but it hardly mattered as his focus was entirely on the matter before him and not his ceiling tiles. What must Kakashi be thinking right now? Amazingly, he was able to laugh at the picture he had of Kakashi's eye bugging out of his head, the normally laid-back jounin looking like he was about to freak out in a very embarrassing way. A smile stretched its way across his face as he re-experienced the euphoria he'd felt after confessing. It had probably been one of the scariest things he'd ever done; he hoped their friendship could survive it. Iruka drifted off to sleep with the memory of Kakashi whispering in his ear, "Play with me..."

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Kakashi slogged his way through the wet town in the direction of Iruka's apartment with questions still roiling through his brain. There were so many that he wasn't sure which one would lead off the conversation, but they were basically these:

Why me?

Why now?

Now what?

And how was he supposed to know the answers to these on his own? The best way would be to go to the source. His slow pace gave him plenty of time to think about the situation. Iruka was in love with him. How did he feel about Iruka? Could he return the chuunin's feelings and did he want to? Thankfully there were no people on the street to distract him from his musings. The shock was beginning to fade somewhat, which left room for clarity.

He reviewed the events of the day to find clues to his own feelings. Well, he had definitely been worried about the dolphin when he was acting so weird, but that was natural as they were such close friends. He had been a tiny bit jealous and overprotective when he thought that Iruka might be in love with somebody not right for him.

"Heh," he snorted in amusement. How in the world was he any more appropriate than some random woman? Iruka knew him better than anyone, and still thought the best of him, so that had to be good. He didn't really mind Kakashi's reading material as much as he said he did, and was willing to put up with his lack of punctuality and occasional laziness. Well, more than occasional, but best not to split hairs. His smile faded a bit as he remembered the look of deep sadness on the dolphin's face when they had been watching Naruto and Sasuke. The man's heart had been breaking and Kakashi's first and only instinct had been to comfort him.

'He's my friend, I hate to see him hurting,' he thought to himself. That's all it was, right? Friends being there for each other? Of course he cared about the young teacher. They were best friends, they had practically raised Naruto together, they worked together, they spent all their free time together. They knew each other inside and out.

'Well, I didn't see that part coming," he smiled again as he remembered Iruka's declaration. So much for inside and out. He winced as he suddenly remembered his lame attempt at escape earlier. He was going to have to apologize for that while he was at it. He stepped up his pace as he entered Iruka's street and made his way to the tree that grew right outside the chuunin's bedroom window. The slippery, wet bark was no match for his determination and skill as he leapt up onto the right branch to peer inside the apartment. The room was dark, but he could sense the younger man inside. Kakashi tried to lift open the window but it seemed to be locked.

'Hmm, should I break in like usual or should I knock?' He considered this for a moment. Knocking might be correct seeing as the dolphin might not want to see him.

'But, if he doesn't want to see me, he might not let me in. Therefore, breaking and entering may be the wisest choice.' He tilted his head and regarded the window through a narrowed eye. Just as he was reaching for his Handy Ninja Lockpicks ™ a figure appeared at the window and gave him a sleepy glare. The sash slid up and a bare arm reached out and grabbed the surprised scarecrow by the vest, dragging him inside.

"Oi, Iruka-sensei, you're glad to see me?" Kakashi grinned up at his friend from his position on the floor. "You're full of surprises for me today," he laughed.

"Kakashi-sensei, I hope it's important, because you're dripping all over my floor. You may not have noticed this, but I had a very long day and you've interrupted my sleep with your stalking outside my window." Iruka uttered this negative statement in a growly, grumpy voice that again startled the man on the floor.

"Ano, I thought you were in love with me. Love means understanding and forgiveness, ne?"

Iruka's sleepy eyes widened in disbelief.

"I'm sorry? Are you making a joke out of my feelings?" Kakashi dropped his head in frustration. He'd forgotten how crabby Iruka could be when he woke up.

"Iie, that's not what I was doing, baka." He drew out the last word with a roll of his visible eye.

"That's what it sounded like. I don't know why I bothered to tell you. I knew you would make fun of me," Iruka grumped as he climbed under the bed covers and turned his back on Kakashi. "Close the window behind you as you leave, will you?"

"Hey, I'm not leaving yet! I have questions I need answered!"

"Tough."

"Come on, Iruka-sensei...please talk to me," Kakashi begged as he came to his feet and sat on the bed next to his friend. Iruka's eyes widened in the dark as he felt the bed sag beneath the other man's weight. His heart began to thump in his chest as he took a deep breath. Kakashi was on his bed. His bed. He struggled to keep his voice from shaking as he replied.

"About what?" It was difficult to sound crabby when you were filled with tingles and goodness!

"I want to know..." he trailed off, looking for the right words.

"Know what?" This time the irritation wasn't quite feigned.

"Ahem," Kakashi cleared his throat. "I...want to know why? I mean, why me?" It was odd to hear the normally self-assured jounin sound so uncertain.

"I already told you why. Glad to know it made such an impact on you." Iruka was being bitchy and he didn't even care. Hard enough to tell someone you like them, but that's supposed to be it. You tell them, they say 'Oh' and that's the end of it, or they say 'yes' and there you go. Had he not been clear enough? He was startled by the feeling of Kakashi's hand on his shoulder, gently pulling him over to his back.

"Hey, I think I have a right to ask questions here. You spring this on me, and I don't know how this goes, okay? You've had a while to get used to the idea and I haven't. Just bear with me while I try to figure it out," Kakashi's voice was soft and patient as he tried to see the chuunin's face. Iruka blessed the darkness as his cheeks burned in embarrassment.

"Gomen, Kakashi. You're right. I'm sorry. What do you want to know?" He shifted and scooted so he was propped up against the headboard and faced the jounin. "You know, you can turn the light on. I can't even see you in here."

"Hehe, I think it's probably better this way, don't you? This kind of conversation is usually better in the dark."

"Um, I wouldn't know. I've never had this kind of conversation before," he admitted, his cheeks becoming even hotter if possible.

"Really?"

"Is that something I'd brag about if it weren't true?"

"Right."

"You're still dripping."

"Ahh, yes I am."

"Why don't you borrow some clothes and go dry off? We can wait on this a little bit. Can't have you getting sick!" He said this in a hearty tone, thankful again that his voice didn't betray him and that the dark covered his reaction to the idea of Kakashi changing his clothes only a few feet and a door away. The jounin had spent the night before, usually after a night out at the bar, or after a particularly nasty mission when he didn't want to be alone, so it was nothing new for him to use Iruka's shower or sleep on the old couch. Every time, however, it had been torture for the young teacher. He gave a mental sigh at the thought of having his love so near and so far, he could reach out and touch him...damn clichés were going to kill him.

"You just want me naked, right?" Kakashi laughed as a pillow connected with his head, Iruka's aim true in the pitchblackness of the bedroom.

"Just go, you ass! You know where everything is."

XXXXXXXXX

Iruka tried to calm his breathing as he heard the bathroom door shut and the water come on. Apparently Kakashi needed to warm up by taking a shower as he had earlier. He shifted in the bed as wicked thoughts of naked-Kakashi in the shower swam before his eyes.

'If I make it through this day, it'll be a miracle," he groaned.

XXXXXXXXX

Kakashi hummed to himself as he stood under the steamy water. Nothing had to change. They could still joke and laugh together like normal. Everything was fine. He smiled as he lathered up his hair.

Might as well go for the full wash since he was already under the water, right? He inhaled the light scent of Iruka's shampoo and vaguely realized that he'd always liked that smell. The dolphin always smelled so fresh when he came out of the shower. Kakashi stopped, both hands covered in lather and entwined in his silver hair.

"When did I notice how Iruka smells?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Iruka heard the water turn off and muffled thumpings coming from the bathroom. For an elite jounin, Kakashi could really make a lot of noise. He shook his head fondly at one particularly loud thump. Baka.

He closed his eyes and willed himself to relax. Thoughts of naked Kakashi were just going to lead to bad bad thoughts. So. No more naked Kakashi. Naked Kakashiiiiiii!!!! He couldn't help it; the idea just kept popping into his head. How was he supposed to control it? Don't think about naked Kakashi, oops, there it was again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kakashi stared at his maskless face in the mirror. His face was whiter than pale, as usual, except for two spots of pink high on his cheekbones, which was not usual at all. His eyes held an expression of astonishment; even the red Sharingan eye was amazed. Maybe he'd just answered one of his own questions. Maybe...he should test it out! He grinned at his reflection, proud of himself. He wrapped one of Iruka's fluffy blue towels around his waist and opened the bathroom door, letting steam out into the hallway.

XXXXXXX

Iruka opened his eyes and almost swallowed his tongue. Kakashi was standing in silhouette with the light from the bathroom behind him, covered only by a towel, staring at him with an evil grin. Gods, he was sexy. He tried to clear his throat.

"Ka...uh...ahem. Kakashi-sensei? Is everything all right?" Kakashi advanced purposefully into the bedroom, straight to Iruka. He plopped down on the edge of the bed and scooted close to Iruka, so that they were facing each other. He drew up one knee to make himself comfortable, stretching the gap between the ends of the towel he was wearing, exposing a generous stretch of pale, muscular thigh. Iruka couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight, visible now due to the bathroom light streaming into the room through the open door.

"Hai!" He was entirely too cheerful for the dolphin's taste. He searched the taller man's face for a clue.

"You—you took your mask off!" Iruka's eyes widened as they swept over the man's beautiful features.

"Hai!" He grinned again. Iruka's heart was beating triple-time at the sight before him.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Hai!"

"Can you say anything besides 'hai!'?"

"I could, but then I couldn't annoy you like this," Kakashi laughed. Iruka narrowed his eyes at the half-naked man facing him.

"Try again!"

"Oi, Iruka-sensei, you're so cruel!"

"You're driving me insane. And I thought you were going to borrow some clothes, not parade around here mostly naked!" Iruka huffed, trying to keep his eyes from returning to that lovely body so temptingly close to him.

"I could, but then I couldn't annoy you," Kakashi repeated, trying not to laugh like a total idiot.

"I'm not annoyed!"

"Hot and bothered?"

"Oh, that's it, you baka!" Iruka lunged forward and tackled the jounin, catching the man off balance. He grabbed Kakashi by the shoulders and tried to beat him senseless. The jounin was laughing too hard to take him seriously and only laid there on the bed as Iruka growled in fury. "Stop making fun of me! I didn't choose to feel this way and you're only making it worse!" He panted in frustration, knowing that he couldn't cause any actual harm to the man. He stared down at Kakashi from his position above him and was unable to look away. The jounin had stopped laughing and was returning Iruka's stare with an odd look, the tension in the room suddenly becoming palpable. Iruka became aware of their proximity and blushed violently, noticing how his hands were gripping the other man's shoulder, just how close their faces were, and the fact that Iruka was practically straddling the barely-covered Kakashi. He made a move to back away, but Kakashi grabbed his wrists and held him tightly in place.

"Wait," he whispered. Iruka looked at him in confusion and embarrassment as he tried to pull his wrists from the jounin's grasp.

"Why?" Iruka closed his eyes in frustration.

"I had an idea," Kakashi said quietly. It was a pretty good one, if he did say so himself.

"I want you to kiss me."

Iruka's eyes snapped open.

"Nani?" Kakashi raised his head a few inches to place his lips by the shocked dolphin's ear. Iruka could feel the man's abdominal muscles contract against his own at the upward movement. The teacher's breathing stopped for a minute as his head swam at the contact.

"I said...Kiss me," he whispered again, lips gently grazing against the sensitive skin of Iruka's jaw as he let his head drop to the mattress. Iruka blinked several times as he tried to make sense of what he'd just heard.

"Uhh...urk...?" Kakashi's intent look turned to one of amusement as he could almost hear the wheels grinding in the dolphin's head.

"Well, you told me how you felt, and I thought about it. So, you've got me curious. I want you to kiss me, so I have all the facts."

"But I...I..." Iruka's mouth opened and closed as he tried to find words. This was unexpected. Plus, he was still on top of Kakashi, so thinking was even more difficult. He frowned as something occurred to him.

"Are you just using me to satisfy your curiosity on kissing men in general, or do you want to kiss me specifically?"

"Are you avoiding kissing me by asking stupid questions?" Kakashi's grip on Iruka's wrists loosened temporarily, enough for the dolphin to take advantage of the lapse and escape up to the head of the bed. Kakashi sat up and followed him, towel sliding dangerously on his narrow hips as he practically slithered across the bed to face Iruka once more.

"No! I just want to know before I give away something so important to me." Iruka stared at Kakashi, willing him to understand what he was saying. Understanding dawned in the jounin's eyes as he returned the look.

"You...it's your first kiss?" His expression softened as he realized the motive behind Iruka's apparent reluctance. The younger man blushed in the dim light of the bedroom as he looked down at the mattress, avoiding any further eye contact.

"I wanted to save it for someone special. Someone I truly loved, that loved me back," he whispered.

"Who says I don't?"


	6. Fish in a Barrel

Sorry it took so long! life gets in the way, you know. Well, all usual warnings and disclaimers apply. OK, and you all have realized by now that i'm an evil author and i thoroughly enjoy cliffhangers, but this time it was for a good reason! i'm exhausted and not sleeping, so i'm trying to get to bed earlier so i'm not a zombie at work. starlynn, you know what i'm talking about! thank you for every review, i'm sorry i can't reply to every one individually, but your words of praise (and frustration!) were all appreciated. next one will probably be the last. not bad for a supposed one shot! (see ch. 1)

Chapter Six: Fish in a Barrel

Iruka's eyes snapped back up to stare at the jounin so close to him. Huh?

"Why are you looking at me like that? Isn't that pretty much what you were hoping for?" Kakashi tilted his head inquisitively at the dolphin. The younger man opened and closed his mouth several times, trying gamely to find a response that didn't make him sound brain-damaged.

"Nani?" It was the best he could come up with.

"What did you think was going to happen?"

"Actually," Iruka thought for a moment. "I hadn't thought past the blurting it out part," he admitted in a sheepish tone, daring a grin at the other man. They smiled at each other for a moment in the dim light of the bedroom, the younger man's eyes breaking away first to stare somewhere over Kakashi's shoulder.

Bare shoulder. Bare, muscular, pale-skinned shoulder that he definitely wasn't staring at because he was looking at the wall. Wall! He tried to force his eyes away, but the traitorous orbs refused to obey his commands and kept wandering over his friend's naked chest. And that freakin' tattoo was just..._sugoi_. Iruka sighed as he ran a hand through his loosened hair, letting the silky strands brush against the tops of his shoulders as he massaged his scalp in an effort to relax.

"So, now what?" Kakashi chuckled quietly. The chuunin closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headboard, hand squeezing the tense muscles at the base of his skull, exposing a tan column of throat and a stretch of lean muscle to the jounin's interested gaze.

"I don't know," the dolphin whispered. "Maybe we should—"

Iruka 'eeped' as he suddenly felt a hand grab the wrist of the hand in his hair, tangling in the dark locks as warm lips pressed against the tender skin of his neck. How the hell had Kakashi moved so fast? He hadn't even heard the mattress creak. Iruka's stomach was doing crazy flip-flops as Kakashi's hot mouth hit every nerve ending he had above his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" he tried for an outraged tone, but it came out breathless instead.

"Testing a theory," Kakashi whispered against his skin, letting his tongue slip out to lick the sensitive spot behind Iruka's ear.

"Ahh...Kakashi? Um...ooh...wait!" Iruka brought a hand up to Kakashi's chest and pushed him away lightly, struggling for breath. The scarecrow stared at him with half-lidded eyes, releasing Iruka's wrist and waiting for the chuunin to explain himself. Iruka desperately tried to remember why he'd stopped Kakashi

"Uh...weren't we just having a conversation about first kisses and all that?"

"That sounds vaguely familiar," Kakashi agreed with a small grin. Iruka raised an eyebrow at Kakashi's teasing tone.

"And?"

"And what?"

"..." Iruka didn't know what he was trying to say. He was pretty damn confused. Kakashi hadn't seemed too thrilled earlier to find out that Iruka had those feelings for him, so much so that he told the worst lie ever to get away from him. Then, all of a sudden, the man was mostly naked, on his bed, licking him. His stomach flipped again, remembering the jolt he'd felt at the first brush of those lips. Why had Kakashi done that? Had he missed something? He didn't want to just give it away if the man wasn't serious.

"Wait," Iruka said again as something occurred to him. "What theory?" His eyes narrowed. "And why are you testing it on me?"

"Ah," Kakashi pulled back a few more inches in order to look Iruka in the eye. "I'm testing it on you because it's about you. Well, it's about me, but it's about you too. Mostly me. But you're in it. Therefore, you must be part of it." He smiled, proud of his explanation. Iruka snorted at the ridiculousness of the answer.

Kakashi's face fell. Iruka didn't get it! He'd explained it so well too. Hmm. Maybe not.

"Iruka-sensei, you told me how you felt, and then I thought about it."

"You already told me that part."

"..." Kakashi looked out the window as he thought. Yeah, he did say that part, but he was forgetting something. Something important. Oh yeah!

"Please tell me there's more to it than that, because I am sincerely not getting the connections here. And why did you lick me?" The last was said in an aggravated tone, but Kakashi was experienced enough to know that it wasn't due to lack of enjoyment.

"Because I wanted to. And you taste good," he grinned at Iruka. The younger man blushed a fiery red and went back to the silent open-close mouth movements as he tried to frame a response.

"N-Nani??"

"Iruka-sensei, you're repeating yourself. For a teacher you could really use a brush up on your vocabulary. Don't be scared of the big words!" the scarecrow teased. Iruka stuttered and spluttered a little while he waited for his brain to catch up. He glared at the jounin.

"You said you loved me..." Kakashi stated.

"Well, actually, I never specifically said those exact words," the dolphin said in a minor huff, certain he was being played with.

"You baka. You admitted it. Which made me think about it."

"Which I'm sure thrilled you to no end," Iruka said sarcastically.

"Hey, it wasn't a bad thing! I was just knocked off my tree for a moment."

"You've been off your tree since I met you."

"Ahh, you always hurt the one you love!" Kakashi grinned at him, back on track now that he'd remembered the important part. He took Iruka's hand in his grasp and entwined their fingers. The chuunin stared down at their conjoined hands like it was a pile of worms, completely confused. "Now shut up and let me talk, baka."

"Go ahead," the dolphin muttered, distracted by the feeling of Kakashi's surprisingly warm hand over his.

"I thought about it."

"Stop saying that!"

"Stop interrupting! Don't you want to hear this?"

"Fine."

"All right then." Kakashi's grin couldn't get any wider as he watched the play of emotions over Iruka's face. It was just too damn easy to rile him up! Like shooting fish in a barrel. Or hey, a dolphin even!

"I thought about it, and...I decided that it wasn't a horrible idea."

"Gee, thanks. Overwhelm me with your enthusiasm! You could have just said 'No thank you' and let it go. We could have gotten past it in no time."

"Don't tell me that the kind of love you spoke of can be 'gotten past' so quickly or so easily." Iruka lifted his gaze to meet Kakashi's, an expression of uncertainty suddenly overlaying the scarred features. Kakashi's tone was so serious. He stared at the jounin with questions in his eyes.

"I meant, you could have gotten past it and I...would..." he trailed off hesitantly.

"Would go on like a tragic heroine?" Kakashi poked the younger man in the side with his free hand, making him wiggle in annoyance.

"Hero!" Iruka retorted. "Whoever said I was going to be the girl?"

"Your hair is prettier than mine," Kakashi chuckled, bringing a hand up to stroke the aforementioned hair. Iruka couldn't help but lean slightly into the caress, enjoying the feeling of physical contact from the one he loved.

"This is so surreal," he sighed, closing his eyes in contentment, forgetting his reservations and confusion for the moment.

"Hn," Kakashi agreed.

"When I woke up this morning, I had no idea we'd be here like this," Iruka remarked.

"Not bad, eh?" Kakashi's murmuring voice was in his ear, much closer than it had been a moment ago. Iruka jumped, startled from his reverie.

"There's something I forgot to mention, Iruka-sensei."

"W-what's that?"

"I don't want to get past it," he whispered, breath tickling the chuunin's jaw. Their faces were centimeters apart, Iruka's eyes wide as he replayed the words until they made sense. Did he...?

"Are...are you saying you're...okay with this?"

"I think we need to work on your listening comprehension as well as your vocabulary, Iruka-sensei. Honestly, and they let you teach Konoha's children?" Kakashi smiled fondly at the dolphin as he teased. "Maybe you need to take a refresher cour—,"his words were cut off abruptly by Iruka's lips against his own.


	7. FinaleO

Shibaraku desu ne! So sorry about the enormously late update...I really have no excuse besides plain old writer's block. But, I just had three whole days off in a row and the muse returned and so here we are. I hope you enjoy the final chapter of this story, it was kind of hard to write. And, may I say huge thank-yous to all the people that were kind enough to take time to review and let me know that they enjoyed the story. I hope everyone had a lovely holiday!

Disclaimers: Oh hell, it's too late now. I don't own 'em, wish I did, blah blah blah. Boy love, shounen ai, yada yada yada.

Chapter Seven: Finale-O

Iruka could hear his own heartbeat thundering in his ears as he laid his lips on Kakashi. His first kiss ever, happening with the person he loved with all his heart, and he'd initiated it himself. He would have been proud but his mind was barely functioning with the shock and happiness. Kakashi didn't want to forget about it, Kakashi was okay with it, and Kakashi was half-naked and…wait, was there more than that? He pulled back a few inches, breaking the chaste kiss after a moment to see the jounin's reaction.

The two stared at each other for a moment, trying to gather their thoughts.

"I'm sorry," Iruka began to apologize, but stopped quickly as a grin bloomed across Kakashi's face. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing's funny," Kakashi's grin stretched even further, Iruka's blush apparent even in the dimly lit room.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Kakashi tilted his head and peered at the dolphin's flushed cheeks.

"Like…I don't know. Stop that!"

"Stop what?" Kakashi blinked innocently, the effect ruined by the smirk he wore.

"That—that thing you do when you're amused and…"

"Thinking dirty thoughts?" He raised an eyebrow at the dark haired man, trying not to laugh at the many expressions that ran across Iruka's face. Shock, annoyance, and curiosity, to name a few. He could work with that. He chuckled as he brought his free hand up to lightly cup Iruka's jaw, stroking the tan cheek with a lazy thumb.

"I never fully realized just how cute you are, Iruka-sensei. How did you manage to make it this far with that kind of innocence?" Iruka glared at the jounin.

"Condescending much?" he muttered grumpily, a little touchy about his lack of experience.

"Not condescending, baka. Just amazed. I can't believe you never got cornered by your own little fangirls or boys, or even had an accidental kiss like Naruto and Sasuke. Where is the justice in this world when a man like you goes through life alone?" He smirked as his hand left Iruka's jaw to point at the ceiling in a very Gai-like pose. He drew breath to continue in the same vein.

"Oh, shut up." Iruka yawned in Kakashi's surprised face, suddenly exhausted. It had been a very long, exciting day and he had 23 little uncoordinated Ninja-wannabees working with sharp, pointy weapons first thing in the morning.

"Excuse me, I was just getting started here!" Kakashi looked adorably pouty now that his speech had been interrupted. Iruka resisted the crumbling of his defenses at the sweet-little-boy expression on his love's face and yawned again.

"I know, that's why I'm stopping you. This is the day that will never end and the last thing I need is a dramatic lecture from you. I think I'm still coming down from the adrenaline high and I need sleep." Kakashi looked at a loss for words as Iruka pulled away and shifted down in the bed to get comfortable, dragging the twisted blankets up to his chest and fluffing the pillow under his head as he steadily tried to ignore the older man.

"Excuse me??!" Kakashi poked Iruka in the chest. This wasn't supposed to happen until much later in the relationship! Iruka couldn't just take what he wanted and then roll over to go to sleep, no sir! He poked the chuunin once more.

"What?" Iruka cracked an eye.

"That's it? You've got to be kidding me!"

"What's it? What are you talking about?" Iruka frowned.

"All that build-up and drama and emotion, and all I get is a peck? I hope this isn't a future indication of how things are going to be, because let me tell you, I've got a pretty healthy drive…"

"What more do you want?" Kakashi gave a lopsided grin. Hehehe. Silly dolphin!

"Well, I'd like a little more…" Kakashi's voice trailed off and the grin slowly melted from his face as he leaned over the chuunin.

"Ka…kashi?" All sleepiness fled as he was caught in Kakashi's intent gaze.

"You've had your turn," he whispered quietly, "Now it's mine." Silver hair glinted in the reflected light of the bathroom as he slowly lowered his face to Iruka's, hovering close enough to see the pulse jumping near the chuunin's bare collarbone and to feel the other man's hands clench on the sheets between them.

"Relax, Iruka," Kakashi chuckled. "You're acting like a scared virgin."

"I _AM_ a scared virgin, you jerk!"

"I'm not going to eat you," the jounin smirked. "Unless, of course, you want me to." Iruka blinked at the mental image and tried to hold back a whimper at the sight of Kakashi's evil expression.

"This is all my fault, isn't it?" he asked with shaky breath.

"Relax."

"I can't. I'm nervous." Iruka drew in as deep a breath as he dared, considering Kakashi was extremely close and his scent was doing crazy things to his insides.

"I won't hurt you," Kakashi's voice was gentle and warm as he brushed noses lightly with the brown-eyed man. Iruka's eyelids fluttered closed at the soft touch and he willed himself to relax. This was what he wanted. There wasn't any reason to be so uptight. Except…

"This is weird," Iruka stated, opening his eyes again. Kakashi paused, lips millimeters away from contact.

"You're just now realizing this?" he whispered, amusement coloring his tone.

"It's just…I…heh, sorry. I'm really new at this…and…" Iruka mumbled something in a voice so low that even Kakashi's fabulous ninja hearing had a hard time catching the sound. The jounin turned and lowered his head so his ear was directly in front of Iruka's lips, grinning all the while.

"I'm sorry, could you say that again? I missed the last part, baka," he chuckled. "You're so cute when you're nervous, did you know that?"

"Stop calling me cute, teme," Iruka ordered in a much firmer voice, the sudden volume in his ear causing Kakashi to wince. He jerked his head away from Iruka's mouth and mock-glared at the younger man.

"That wasn't very nice, Iruka." Iruka responded in an appropriately mature fashion by sticking his tongue out and making a rude noise. The scarecrow's scarred eyebrow shot up in disbelief as a laugh escaped him. "I can see this relationship is going to go well if that's the level of conversation we're going to have."

"Hehe, sorry. You bring out the worst in me sometimes…and I think I'm just a little bit punchy right now. Today was…wow. I can't even tell you what I've been through." Iruka's cheeks reddened at the memory of the day's events.

"Baka, I was there," Kakashi reminded him with amusement. Pale hands reached out to gently pry Iruka's clenched fingers from the hem of the blankets he still had pulled up nearly to his neck, folding the warm hands in his grasp and smoothing a thumb over the tanned backs. Iruka's gaze dropped and focused on the sight of light and dark skin in contrast, fingers entwined in a soft clasp.

"Yeah, I guess I'm not the only one who had their world turned upside down today. You know what?" the dolphin enquired with a thoughtful tone.

"I have no idea what could possibly be going through your head after today. Tell me," Kakashi replied dryly.

"I'm glad that we can still talk like this. I don't feel weird _saying_ the same old things to you, even after what I told you. That almost more than anything is so great." His eyes shyly rose to Kakashi's face, barely illuminated in the dim room but for the glint of mismatched eyes. "I don't ever want to lose this…this friendship. I…I was so scared that you would turn away from me," he mumbled the last part in a rush, repeating what Kakashi had missed earlier, the part that had truly been worrying the dolphin. Kakashi's strangely beautiful eyes widened slightly and took on a serious cast. He opened his mouth to respond.

"But," Iruka continued, interrupting with a little smirk, "I remember what someone told me once, that love was a gift and you should take it where you find it." Kakashi frowned as he tried to place where he'd heard that before. Recognition dawned.

"That sounds familiar. And very wise, may I add," he said with a smirk of his own as he remembered the circumstances. The day they had found out about Naruto and Sasuke making it official, Iruka and he had been not so surprised and very much pleased that the two had found each other at last.

"Oh, very wise indeed," Iruka grinned. "And, thankfully, you seem to really live by that, or you wouldn't be here."

"Well, I suppose. Just so you know, though, I'm not taking you up on this just because I'm lonely. It's important to me that you realize that."

"I appreciate you telling me that," Iruka whispered, another of his unspoken fears laid to rest.

"So polite, Iruka-sensei! How do we go from you sticking your tongue out to you thanking me? Oh wait, I can think of a few good scenarios," he grinned evilly at Iruka's semi-outraged expression. He could feel the heat of the blush where his hands rested against the man's upper chest and felt an answering flush of heat on his own pale skin. He held his hormones in check, however, still conscious of Iruka's comfort level. He decided to keep talking long enough to get the dolphin to relax before he tried to kiss the man again.

"Just teasing! I'll be good, I promise," he laughed, crossing two of his fingers where Iruka could definitely see them. The brunet rolled his eyes and sighed at the lame joke.

"Hey, Iruka, I'm freezing here. Can I borrow some pants or something? This damp towel isn't exactly comfortable." Iruka looked down at Kakashi's legs and gulped. The gap between the edges of the fuzzy blue towel had widened to the point that they had separated completely and the part covering Kakashi's lap was tenuously draped, while the underneath side flapped against the edge of the mattress. The jounin hid a grin; just because he'd told himself to take it slow didn't mean he couldn't test the waters a little bit, right?

"Um…you know where everything is, help yourself," Iruka replied in an admirably steady voice. Of course, five years of hiding your attraction to someone made it easier. Kakashi gathered the edges of the towel together and stood up, making the mattress bounce lightly. He leaned down, bringing his face close to Iruka's red cheeks.

"No peeking."

"I…you…teme!"

"Hehehe."

"Shut up." Iruka turned his face to the wall, refusing to look at the laughing scarecrow again as he made his way to the dresser. The plop of the damp towel on the floor made him grit his teeth, but he restrained the urge to look. The scrape of the drawer opening and the rustle of fabric made a bead of sweat pop out on his temple, but he held back. The sound of the door closing and Kakashi's light footsteps back to the bed made his breath pant just a tiny bit, but still he didn't look. He'd gotten through five years of this; one more night wouldn't really be the death of him. Right? He was fine. Nothing to be nervous about at all.

"Shove over, sweetie-pie." Okay, that deserved a look. Kakashi's grinning face loomed over him as the jounin stood at the edge of the bed.

"Sweetie-pie?!"

"Well, I thought this new stage of our relationship created a need for a new way to interact."

"Sweetie-pie?!"

"You're repeating yourself again. What have I told you about that? Now, shove over before I make you." Kakashi lifted the edge of the blankets and proceeded to squish in beside the dolphin, lightly pushing at Iruka's shoulder to get him to move.

"If you don't move over I'm just going to lie on top of you, and that might be moving a little too fast, ne?" Iruka gave an unmanly 'meep' and quickly wiggled away, making room for the taller man to stretch out in comfort. Kakashi snuggled up again Iruka's side, throwing arm over the brunet's stomach under the covers and resting his head on the other man's shoulder, silver hair tickling the dolphin's neck and causing tiny shivers to run rampant over his body. Iruka struggled to keep his breathing normal as Kakashi's body heat seeped into his own. That lack of personal boundaries thing was a blessing and a curse, he decided.

"Iruka?"

"Oh good, I was hoping you'd given up on sweetie-pie," he managed.

"I'll just have to find one that's better. How's…hmm…Muffin?"

"How about not?"

"Honey-bear?"

"Next."

"Baby?"

"Gakkkkk!"

"I'll take that as a no."

"Why can't we just stick to our own names? It's worked so far!"

"Because I want to celebrate this with a nickname."

"I don't want a nickname."

"Are you always going to be this difficult?" Kakashi pretended to whine, nuzzling his cheek into Iruka's shoulder. Iruka turned his head to look at Kakashi and got a face full of fuzzy silver hair. He spit out an errant strand with a 'pthh' noise.

"I'm not difficult."

"Um, yeah, you kinda are."

"Well, then what are you still doing here?" Iruka tried not to get huffy. Damn Kakashi could always push his buttons with so little effort.

"I'm here because I realized that I love you, baka." Iruka's mouth did the gasping-fish thing for a moment as he felt a wave of tingles at the jounin's words. It had been implied, but he hadn't heard the actual words before this moment. He brought up a suddenly unsteady hand to grasp at the arm slung across his stomach and gave a gentle squeeze as he looked up at the ceiling with a soft smile. The arm around him tightened its hold as Kakashi managed to get even a little closer. Iruka forced himself to take a deep breath, as it seemed he'd forgotten to breathe for a minute there.

"I--" he started, voice as unsteady as his heartbeat, "--I…You have no idea how long I wanted to hear you say that, Kakashi."

"You have no idea how happy I am that I realized it in the first place. How much luckier could I get?"

"Lucky?"

"Definitely lucky," Iruka could feel Kakashi's smile against his shoulder. The jounin pressed a kiss to the warm skin covering Iruka's collarbone before he continued. "Lucky enough to have a friend like you, and even luckier to find love with that friend. I've been sincerely blessed and I honestly couldn't ask for anything more out of life." Iruka felt a suspicious prickling behind his eyes and blinked a couple of times to push it back. Impulse struck, overriding nerves and weirdness. Iruka shifted in the bed, managed to turn on his side and face Kakashi eye to eye.

"Okay. I'm ready," he stated. Kakashi raised an eyebrow in question.

"Ready for what, exactly?" Iruka gathered his confidence once more and took a deep breath.

"Ready. From before. Back to the kissing," he ordered with a brave smile, quaking on the inside.

"Oh, you're sure now? Not too weird for you?"

"Less talking, more kissing."

"You know, I think I kinda like this side of you, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi teased as he took Iruka's face in hand and brought their faces very close together. "I think we were right about here, don't you?" he whispered softly, breath tickling the chuunin's face, causing both heartbeats to thump crazily. Iruka murmured his agreement and sighed in anticipation. Warm lips met and held for a moment, separated, and returned, then again.

Kakashi kept his eyes open, wanting to see the reaction on his friend's face as they kissed for real. It was different, for certain, but the weirdness had worn off by now. He really did feel blessed at this moment, everything he'd told Iruka had been the utter truth. What more could he ask for, seriously? His most precious person at his side, his best friend that knew him better than anyone and loved him anyway, the person he came home to. He hadn't realized until tonight just how important Iruka really was to him, just how honored a place he held in Kakashi's life. Thank God Iruka had found the voice to tell Kakashi how he felt. They could have missed out on something truly special.

Friendship turned to love…what an unexpected gift.


End file.
